85% of a True Story

Today the journalism school smelled like shit. The whole building.

More often than not, one of the two men's bathrooms in the building will completely reek of shit, like some aspiring Bob Woodward just laid out the biggest crap on Earth. This almost exclusively occurs in the first floor bathroom (newly remodled), so every time I enter that bathroom I fully expect to inhale massive quantities of shit-smelling air.

But today it wasn't so bad. Young Bob Woodward must have taken his crap early today. Perhaps he had some bad Pizza Hut from the union.

The next thing I know I'm upstairs, entering the office to merely staple some pages together, and steal a paper clip. It doesn't take me long to notice.

The entire office reeks of shit.

This did not strike me as nearly a passing fart. This shit was pungent. Like young Bob Woodward dropped trou and took a shit right there, on the coffee table between the four chairs were other aspiring journalists wait for advisers. He must have shit right on the fucking magazines.

Eager to get out, I left the office. Of course, I had forgotten to print out a part of my story packet. So I had to go back to the overcrowded lab, using an editing computer to merely print a document, while that douchey kid who looks like Carson Palmer waits to do some shitty visual comm project of him reporting from the Dave Matthews concert.

Now I must return to the epicenter of shit, the J school office.

And what do you know? The office reeks of aerosol spray. No joke. Someone had clearly sprayed Lysol, or perhaps Glade, thoroughly in this room. Seeing me again, the secretary asks if I need anything.

"Ummm.... other than for you to refrain from shitting your pants at work? No." I use one more staple, and exit the room, adding "Next time, please do a courtesy tie of the bag you must have just shat into before the smell wafts out of it."

Now we're in the classroom. I'm feeling pretty good about finishing my story after putting it off until 2 am on the night before it was due, barely conducting interviews before that point. Class is at its usual, entertaining pace - of course I can not focus for over 3 minutes at a time.

When a familiar aroma hits me.

"Is it just me, or does this entire building smell like shit?" My open ended question may possibly boost my 60% participation grade.

"It totally does," says the goofy-haired kid who's entering the Peace Corps next year.

"I heard a squirrel died in a ceiling vent," says the girl who sits in the front.

"All right everyone go out and interview people about the shit smell," the professor says, and dismisses class early.

Unfortunately I, nor my classmates, found the scoop on this one. Looks like we won't get an eight dollar bonus from the IDS for having a front page article.

Perhaps one day I will be young Carl Bernstein, and finally discover my partner's shit.

Why Heath Ledger's Joker could be the best movie villain ever

When you think of the best movie villains ever, who comes to mind? Freddy? Jason? Anton Chigurh? Jaws perhaps? There are plenty to debate (except for Kevin Spacey as Lex Luthor). But after the tidbits of clips and previews I have seen for this summer's sure-to-be blockbuster The Dark Knight, I think Heath Ledger's role as the joker has the potential to top them all. And the simple reason is because he's dead.

Anyone who has read Chuck Klosterman's Killing Yourself To Live or my previous post about the legacy of Barbaro, which - like most other elements of my writing - are taken from Chuck Klosterman, knows that the most influential thing a person (or horse) can do to preserve and enhance their legacy is die. Now that Heath Ledger has passed on, his role as the Joker will be forever remembered as his final (completed) role.

The circumstances surrounding his death only enhance the effect. With all the reports/debates about drug abuse and a wide variety of perscription medications, Ledger's condition in his waning days almost seem to reflect the disturbed, psychotic personality of the Joker. Couple that with a kick-ass makeup job and you have a seriously fucked up character. I know when I see the movie I will constantly be associating Ledger's fate with the Joker's antics and overall disturbed behavior. Needless to say I cannot wait for this movie. Too bad Katie Holmes crapped out and we have to deal with Maggie Gyllenhaal.

Picture of the Day

from Deadspin.com

The Rules of Breakfast

"Breakfast is relative."

This was my key argument in a conversation I had with Mike Oshita regarding the rules of what could be considered breakfast, and what could not. We were looking for a place to eat at 10:30, and I referred to our impending meal as "breakfast," which caused his head to explode. But I stood by my definition, and as a result had to expand the details of my rules into what I will now present to you as my official "Rules of Breakfast (and all other meals)".

BREAKFAST

1) Breakfast is Relative

Like I said before, this was my key argument in the disagreement. To me, breakfast isn't determined by McDonald's schedule or what kind of food you eat, it's merely relative to the time you wake up. Therefore:

"Any meal consumed within an hour of waking is considered breakfast."

This rule is true for any type of food. Type of food is irrelevant in this entire post, so it will not be mentioned again. The point of this rule is that even if you wake up at 3, if you eat before 4 that meal is your breakfast.

2) Breakfast hours

In addition to the breakfast is relative rule, early hours meals will also usually be considered breakfast. Rule #2 states:

"Any meal consumed before noon will be considered breakfast."

Exception:
There is one exception to the breakfast hours rule:

I. If you have two meals before noon, and there is at least two hours separating the first and second meals, then the second meal will be considered lunch.

This exception is to accommodate most grade school students, as well as people with jobs that require them to get up early. If these people consume 1 meal before noon, that meal is breakfast. But this exception allows the possibility that they could also have a true lunch before noon, provided it comes two hours after their breakfast. A second meal coming within the two hour window would be considered a "second breakfast" or "brunch".

Breakfast exception #2:
The second breakfast exception is in regards to the breakfast is relative rule. If you wake up and it is already nightfall (this is much easier to do in winter hours), your first meal cannot be considered a breakfast. Now this is where it gets tricky. If you have a meal and are planning on having another meal later, than your first meal is lunch and your second is dinner, even if it comes at midnight. But if you wake up and have a big meal that you intend to be your only meal of the day, then that meal becomes dinner. Any subsequent meals will be referred to as Taco Bell-sponsored "Fourthmeal."

LUNCH

1) Lunch as first meal of the day

It is very easy for lunch to become the first meal of the day, hence lunch rule #1:

"If you do not consume a meal within an hour of waking, your first meal of the day is your lunch."

This rule is pretty simple. For example, I'll often wake up at 11:30, go to work, then before class eat at the Union. Even though it's my first meal of the day, it's my lunch.

Exception:
The Lunch exception is along the same lines as Breakfast Exception #2. If your first meal is not until nightfall, then it might not be your lunch. If you prepare that meal with the thought in mind that you will have another meal later, it's your lunch. But if you prepare that meal as it is your dinner, then it's your dinner. Any subsequent meals are Fourthmeal.

DINNER

Dinner rules are relatively simple, and rely on two situations:

"A meal is considered a dinner if it is consumed after nightfall with no subsequent meal intended, or the third meal of the day."

Like in the previous rules, dinner can be the first or second meal of the day if it is consumed at night with no future meals planned. But dinner can also occur before nightfall, if it is your third meal of the day. This is usually seen among the elderly. And I should admit that sometimes when you prepare a meal at night, you really don't know if you will eat again or not, so you don't know how to classify the meal. This is perfectly fine, sometimes the identity of your meal cannot be determined until the next day.

So there you have it, the official "Rules of Breakfast (and all other meals)." Like any good set of rules, amendments and changes could be added in the future. Leave your comments and suggestions, and they will be considered by the breakfast committee to be added to the official rules. Happy eating everybody!

(UPDATE)
BREAKFAST BILL OF RIGHTS

I told you I would add amendments to this post! I finally encountered one today. It will forever be known as the 1st amendment for the Breakfast Bill of Rights

1) Naps shall not be considered in the Rules of Breakfast.
Trying to take into account naps would complicate the rules of breakfast far too much, and thus they will not be considered. For example, today I woke up at 8:30 am for my radio show, which ran from 9-10. I did not eat anything during this time, and went back to sleep at roughly 11:30 am, then awake again around 3 pm, and ate a sub at about 3:45 pm. This meal is considered my LUNCH - it is as if the nap did not exist.

For clarification purposes, a nap will be considered any slumber that comes at least 2 hours after first awaking, and lasts for over 30 minutes. So if you wake up at 9 am, have a bite to eat, then go back to sleep at 9:30 and wake up at noon and then eat again, that meal is your BREAKFAST. Whatever you ate between 9 and 9:30 is considered a snack.

Super Blog XLII

I'm writing this blog literally at 7:06 AM on the morning of February 3rd for two reasons:

1) Tonight is the biggest game in the New England Patriots' franchise history
and
2) I am too enraged by the sorry state of sports media for me to sleep

Despite going for the greatest accomplishment in sports history since 1972, instead - as of LAST NIGHT - we as football fans are subject to a series of the most absurd stories you can possibly put together. An explosion of Spygate stories, something that peaked at week 1 of the NFL season, have resurfaced the day before the Super Bowl because of a bunch of random people who need attention.

Not only are these revelations completely bogus, unwarranted, and just plain irrelevant to the outcome of Super Bowl XXXVI and other games the Patriots were involved in, the timing of these stories coming out is just plain ridiculous.

WHAT POSSIBLE IMPORTANCE does this story have on the 2007-2008 Patriots - what could possibly turn out to be the greatest team of all time. If every spygate rumor ever told is true (which is absurd to think of) then that STILL has absolutely no bearing on this year's Patriots. You think they really couldn't have beat the Jets in week 1, the only week of the entire franchise fucking history when they were actually proved to be cheating? At the very worst, I could care less what Spygate has to do with the past three Super Bowls the Patriots have won, it takes absolutely nothing away from the possibility of going 19-0 this season.

How sad it is that the state of sports media is this pathetic in 2008, that the DAY before the Super Bowl, we have to be subject to a ridiculous outburst of stories about Spygate - from SEVEN years ago no less! You'll read writers like Gregg Easterbrook who claim this was the NFL's fault for ignoring this when it was relevant, earlier in the season; but I ask 1) this really NEVER could have been brought up ONCE during the entire fucking season and 2) in the TWO FUCKING WEEKS of Super Bowl hype, this couldn't come up ONCE until the fucking DAY BEFORE the Super Bowl? You have got to be fucking kidding me. It's times like these, even typing a blog post on my bed at 7:15 AM, where it makes me proud to have absolutely no involvement in the sports media. Because if this is really the story I have to hear most before the biggest game in NFL history, then I've clearly chosen the wrong field to make my living in.

LOST Season Premiere Collaberative Blog Discussion Featuring Lindsey Weber

Lindsey Weber is a senior at New York University studying Journalism and English. She has contributed to Stuff and New York Magazine, and this fall is planning to debut her off-broadway production "Too Many Chinamen". Her blog can be visited here. I asked her to collaberate with me following the season premiere of LOST on January 31st. This was our discussion:

*EDITOR'S NOTE: BECAUSE BLOGGER IS FUCKING RETARTED AND IMPOSSIBLE TO FORMAT, FONT SIZES MAY RANDOMLY CHANGE THROUGHOUT THIS POST

8 PM RECAP SHOW:
LJW:
so i'm starting with the pre-show recap - which attempts, in some crazy way, to retell the ENTIRE first three seasons of LOST - which, if you watch the show, is a daunting task.

OK WOW. how can they just GLOSS over some of these details?! they just flashed DAT CRAZY BLACKLIGHT MAP that is oh-so-important to the story. I think maybe someone watching for the first time would somewhat get it, but it's a shame because they really are missing so much. this is SO not a good substitute for the show. ew abc.

MPP: What really nicks my grits is that basically the whole map thing was more or less irrelevant to the show at this point. That's my favorite part about these last two seasons: having a set number of episodes remaining. No more random crap stretching the show out, like the episode with the hot girl getting bit by a spider and being buried alive (which was awesome).

LJW: OH BYE MICHAEL & WALT (AND VINCENT?) - does anyone realize they never wrapped up this dropped storyline? this better be for a REASON.

MPP:
What upsets me more is that Harold Perrineau (the actor who plays Michael) is STILL IN THE CREDITS. I want him to be gone! Him, Walt, and even Vincent! Get off the fucking show already! Is there truly no end in sight?!?! Worst characters on the show.

LJW: OMG SCARY OCEANIC FLIGHT ATTENDANT DOING AN AD FOR ABC'S NEW "YOU-WATCH-LOST-SO-WATCH-THIS-SHOW-BECAUSE-IT'S-CONVENIENTLY-AFTER SHOW." So it's about some dude... who is "a treat" and "irresistable." great. p.s. abc, stop trying to tell me that oceanic airlines really exists. it's fucking scary. i'm getting so depressed at how over-simplified this recap is. awesome hurley flashback with HARRY FROM SEX AND THE CITY - as my favorite LOST hallucination...totally beats crazy polarbear//blackcloud//jacob.

MPP:
Don’t forget he was the agent in CALIFORNICATION! I mean how can you forget someone when you've seen their face squirted by pussy juice.

LJW: WHERE IS EKO'S STORY/DEATH WHERE ARE MICHAEL & WALT'S STORY/DEPARTURE okay i can't deal with this recap anymore. on to the ACTUAL premiere. p.s. so ELI STONE is about a dude who is jesus? he floats? he has visions of GEORGE MICHAEL, i.e.: this show features GEORGE MICHAEL. if i ever miraculously start having visions, if they were of george michael, i would have to end my life. also, just because i watch LOST like a maniac does not mean i'm going to stick around for this crazy-ass show. i haven't even seen cloverfield yet (and it's j.j. abrams...) but, to give an ounce of credit, johnny lee miller looks good and he was once married to angelina jolie (* hackers*, anyone?)

MPP: I agree with you on Eli Stone. I mean, a show about a Jewish lawyer who has some sort of divine intervention, and it's NOT from his overbearing mother? Oy vey! You gotta be kiddin' me! Any show who’s central recurring joke is based around George Michael is doomed for failure. Cloverfield was great by the way, just got a little motion sickness from the camera moving.

ACTUAL EPISODE (SPOILERS INCLUDED)

BLACKOUT IN BLOOMINGTON

MPP:
I just finished watching the season premiere about an hour ago. It was fantastic. Unfortunately I did not get to see the last minute of the episode - or the preview for next week - because the power went out in the entire northwest section of Bloomington at 9:58 EST. Driving around was quite the scene, I had never witnessed anything like it.

LJW: *i cannot BELIEVE the power went out 2 min before the end - i would have cried and then called cablevision and screamed. ok maybe not. but i would have cried... or at least checked the web for what i missed. basically what you missed was: NOT-PENNY'S-BOAT GUY: ARE YOU JACK? JACK: (UH-OH/HURRAH/CONFUSED FACE) LOST *

BEGINNING THOUGHTS

LJW:
okay so there was a lot of build-up to tonight's episode and I really do need to pretend like i don't know that there's a writer's strike going on and pretend like i don't know that this long-awaited new season is doomed to stop abruptly like eight episodes in. as i push THAT to the back of my head, i reflect on the last few seasons (please see my responses to LOST recap.)

i also would like to say that the flash foward thing on the last ep of last season totally caught me by surprise - I FUCKING LOVED it, and i know you did too. so when this ep started with that shot of the papaya and you THOUGHT it was on the island (but it wasn't.) i was thrilled. who gets out of the crashed camero? obvi that's hurley's chubby arm (does it still bother anyone that hurley has maintained his fabulous-full-figure after months on the island?) we hear the first key phrase of the season: THE OCEANIC SIX. omgggggg WHAT DOES THIS MEAN - who are the six? we already know three (kate, jack, hurley)? who else? i'm so excited... they are like tom hanks castaway after-he-leaves-the-island survivors! (minus the volleyball...actually I guess he's somewhat like hurley's imaginary friend aka harry from sex and the city aka my favorite character...) and this comes to be (at least for me) the main aspect of this episode.

THE OCEANIC SIX

LJW:
i love that this season is going to revolve around piecing together
clues to figure out what happens BETWEEN two stories that we've already
(partially) seen. ok, that sort of doesn't make sense. so, the last seasons started with a plane crash then flashed backward to individual stories - using the plot-to-come (or the loose ends) open. that worked out so well that it's pretty much genius for the writers to craft the same structure for this season. jack asking hurley if he 'told anyone' about 'it' ... OMG what happened? who'd they fuck over to leave the island? who is STILL THERE? hurley keeps saying they have to go back... WHO IS STILL ALIVE? (ahhh, didn't that scary black dude in the mental hospital with no business card really freak you out? it makes me think that they are going to bring in oceanic airlines as part of this plane crash/magical island conspiracy.)

MPP: The first thing that honestly came into my mind when Jack asked Hurley that question was that they ate everyone else on the island.

FEAR FACTOR

MPP:
LOST is fucking scary. The show legitimately freaks me out at points. You nailed it when you said the scary black dude (aka the chief from The Wire) came to visit him at the mental home and give him the creepiest look ever while asking if they "were still alive". Batshit crazy.

LJW: *lost is scary. i agree. and that dude (who, by internet exploration is named ABADDON which is hebrew for DESTRUCTION (uh oh), is pretty damn creepy. i don't watch the wire (yet) but he must be a fucking badASS.*

REALITY BITES

MPP:
The Hurley flashbacks were great - kicking things off with his hallucinations puts you right back into that mindset of false reality: who's real, what's real, and how the fuck is Locke still alive after being shot into a ditch full of skeletons are just a few of the questions the show teases me with.

LJW:
so is charlie still alive? i know that he's DEAD but when he 'appears' to hurley, for like two seconds, i was like WAIT WHAT. first off, if he's dead, he looks great as a ghost - totally a rockstar in the afterlife (perhaps he's bringing back DriveShaft - god knows you would love to hear an acoustic version of "You All Everybody" but after the scene's over, i'm like SO IS HE DEAD? because that other crazy guy saw him and hurley did feel that slap it seems... AND i'm thinking about the other time when hurley saw Jacob's house then made it disappear by counting to five - same idea? i WANT charlie to be alive, but isn't that a cop-out? also, how does charlie know hurley's real name...he has NEVER
called him hugo while on the island. oy, how will i deal with a LOST where claire isn't constantly screaming, CHAHHHHHHHHHHLIEEEEEEEEEE.

MPP: OK, so this is what I was talking about before with reality. Charlie is definitely dead - we saw him die. We also saw Hurley make him disappear. The other crazy guy seeing him was one of those ridiculous things LOST writers throw in that they know are physically impossible to logistically explain, but they don't care because it's a TV show and a big cloud of black smoke is eating people on the island. As for Jacob's house, I honestly believe that that was real, maybe Hurley could see it then the way Locke could hear Jacob that one time. you could also see Jacob sitting in the same rocking chair where you see him for a glimpse when Locke is there, and the guy who popped up reminded me of the Russian guy who they've killed 5 times and still hasn't died. I think his name is Rasputin.

MPP: What the fuck is this new movie with Kate Hudson and Matthew McCougnahey? They already made a romantic comedy together with How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. Was their chemistry THAT good to put them in the exact same fucking movie twice? Jesus.

LJW:
*don't insult how to lose a guy in 10 days. and don't forget: two's a charm: drew barrymoore and adam sandler in the wedding singer AND my favorite, 50 first dates.
*

THOUGHTS ON THE FUTURE

LJW:
ok, so mark, remember how after a good episode we would like run to the computer to check out those LOST message boards (don't pretend like this isn't true.) that's honestly how i know it's been a good one - if i'm dying to see if the little things i've noticed are actually legit (and if it's really good, they usually are.) this ep, i definitely felt like that. For example, did hurley SEE jacob? when he peeps into that cabin, you can see (through his eyes) someone IS IN that rocking chair before a crazy locke-eye popping up causes me jump five feet into the air. i'm SURE i saw that – so is HURLEY like the actual special island-person... i forget what ben said about 'seeing/hearing' jacob. if he is, i totally called that. hurley is the
best.

also, WHO DO WE THINK IS RIGHT? naomi is sketchy - but do i think this because i think that locke is legit? he's been right before, despite his crazy behavoirs. do you notice, that when she calls her 'people' before she dies, the dude on the other line says something like, 'don't worry, we're coming to get you and take you home' - i think that it's implied that the only intend on bringing her back ALIVE. anyhow, when they all choose sides... i'm paying attention to find dat OCEANIC SIX but kate, jack and hurley are split - how does that work? SOMETHING must happen. and flash foward hurley says, 'i wish i went with you,' implying that perhaps, locke wasn't making the best choice... so good of those crazy writers to fill in that detail - making it so i'm not ENTIRELY sure who i'd go with! but if I WAS one of those other survivors (you know, the ones that don't get to have actual lines, but occationally gets screentime when they hand a jack a gun or something), i probably would have gone with locke; he's a magical badass.

MPP: This is an example of the commercials ruining the element of surprise. I would have no idea who to believe either, except I already saw bearded-guy on the ad telling Jack "rescuing you isn't exactly our primary objective" - so I know Naomi's full of shit. What I DID like was Hurley telling Jack back home that he shouldn't have gone with Locke, because at that point I was sure Locke was right, but now it throws a wrinkle into the mix - like a quarter banging around in a dryer. MPP: And how about the music on LOST. Michael Giacchino is a genius. Adding the perfect amount of tension and filler, and creating themes for different emotions. Haven't heard a score that good since THERE WILL BE BLOOD (which did not garner Jonny Greenwood an Oscar nomination by the way, absurd).

LJW: *LOST music is intense, but not even close to being on the level of THERE WILL BE BLOOD-let's not lie. LOST music is mostly scary sounds which mimic classic horror films, which completely works.* LJW: SO FOR THE FINAL TALLIES: CHARLIE: DEAD (?) BUT LOOKS FINE FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE NOT PENNY'S BOAT: LEGIT ADVICE NAOMI: SKETCHY, DEAD & YES, YOU SHOULD FEEL SORRY FOR THE ACTRESS WHO PLAYED HER OCEANIC SIX: JACK, KATE, HURLEY, ?, ?, ? (FOR NOW, LET'S JUST SAY IT'S ROSE, ROUSSEAU AND VINCENT) TEAM LOCKE: SAWYER, CLAARON (THEY GO TOGETHER), HURLEY, BEN, ROUSSEAU, ROUSSEAU'S KID & HER ALMOST-BRAINWASHED BF...ALEX&KARL, FOR YOU LOSERS, AAAAANNNDDDD DESMOND. TEAM JACK: KATE, BERNARD, ROSE, JIN, SUN, SAYID, AND JULIET(DUH).

MPP: No way Claaron is being killed - she's 4. I say one of the Rose/Bernard combo is #5, and we'll say numebr 6 is... I don't know... that kid who's dating Ben and Rousseau's daughter, Karl I think. MPP: My LOST prediction for this season is halfway through they form a Union and are so upset with the others and the rescuers that they go on strike until they receive more of the residual coconut juice on the island.

LJW:
p.s. so do we like jack on-island, with scruff; post-island, full beard, or between these two moments, (mostly) CLEAN SHAVEN? i'm so happy we're given three different facial hair options for jack.

MPP:
As much as I like the full beard, you it's always been my dream to have a nice scruff. So on-island takes it.

The Tom Brady Boot Conspiracy Theory

I had a revelation last Monday at the computer lab. I had just seen a link on ESPN.com's headlines about how Randy Moss' restraining order would be extended, when it occurred to me:

The Tom Brady Boot is a hoax.

Think about it. Remember how much of a story swirled around Randy Moss when the restraining order got filed? Other than Spygate, it was the biggest distraction to the Patriots this year. How much have you heard about it since TMZ got a shot of Tom Brady walking with a boot in NYC? Exactly.

How about 19-0. Obviously, it's brought up in discussions. But how much of the 72 Dolphins have you seen on TV in the two weeks of Super Bowl hype? How many questions have been asked to Patriots players about it? More questions about it than the injury report? Hell no.

We're talking about the smartest team in football here. A team who's exploitation of the illegal contact rule frustrated the Colts so much that Jim Irsay complained to the NFL and got referees to begin calling the rule more strictly. This is a team who revolutionized the gamesmanship behind injury reports, and helped start the trend of putting a guy between the cameraman and an injured player on the sideline (I was watching a replay of Super Bowl XXXVIII between the Patriots and Panthers the other day, and when they were examining Rodney Harrison on the sideline after his injury - which was a broken arm - Greg Gumbel announces "we've been told that Rodney Harrison will return"). A team who's defensive strategies became so advanced, they were taking footage of other teams' defensive signals during games.

So what better way to eliminate every other possible distraction from the biggest game of your franchise's history than to create the biggest distraction of them all. Tom Brady is perfectly suited to handle the kind of scrutiny of being the centerpiece of the hoax - obviously as the most important player, but also as a two-time Super Bowl MVP who has never once in his career appeared to be rattled by anything.

I mean were you watching the interviews with the team during the height of the Boot news? They were positively comical. Bill Belichick laughed and smirked so much during his press conferences it looked like he had gone absolutely insane. Wes Welker and Donte' Stallworth made identical jokes about replacing Brady as quarterback. It's like the team collectively formed one brain, and together in their massive superbrain they are beyond what any of our mortal brains can comprehend.

So if you're watching the game this Sunday and Brady gets hit low once and becomes gimpy, you can laugh in my face. But if he goes out and puts on another stellar, legendary, "where did that come from?" performance, remember what I said here. It's can be downright scary when the Patriots have two weeks to prepare and zero distractions.

The Pittsburgh Steelers: Laughing Stock of the 90s through the Present

This is a topic I wish I brought up more. The Pittsburgh Steelers are a pathetic franchise. While they are often commended as "old-school", "hard-nosed", "Wonder-Bread Wops", and other out of date phrases - they should be viewed as they truly are: the laughing stock of this era of football.

The one Super Bowl they've won this era can largely be considered a fluke, because

1. They didn't have to play the Patriots in the playoffs
2. They won a game they easily could have (and probably should have and deserved to) lose against the Colts, after the most overrated running back of our generation Jerome Bettis decided to make his one-in-a-thousand fumble in the most crucial moment of his life, followed by a miraculous tackle by Ben Roethlisberger, followed by a Mike Vanderjagt choke-job.
3. They got to go against Jake Plummer in the AFC Championship.
4. They won what is widely considered the worst-officiated Super Bowl that anyone can remember.

Clearly the Steelers Super Bowl win was a fluke, so what else have they done in this era? They got spanked by the 49ers in the other Super Bowl they were in, and every other year they routinely perform well in the regular season and fall apart in the playoffs.

This is a team that talks more trash than anyone else during the season and going into the playoffs, then consistently underperform when it comes time to back up their words. Some memorable Steelers moments:

• Players saying that the Patriots "weren't up to their level" when they ended New England's 21 game win streak in 2003, then were obliterated by the Patriots in the AFC Championship (at home).
• Steelers fans booking flights to New Orleans for Super Bowl 31 before they got beat by the Patriots in the AFC Championship (at home)

Obviously my examples are a little Patriots-skewed, but any non-Steelers fan knows that Pittsburgh is the least threatening team you can go up against in the playoffs (with the exception of a team coached by Marty Schottenheimer).

So why do they get credit for being a top-notch franchise. Look at them for what they are! A pathetic, overrated, trash-talking, bunch of chokers who won a fluke Super Bowl and have never proved anything or are deserving of praise.

I Was Right! (My last post about the Ravens, I promise)

Just thought it was worth mentioning one more time that in this post, which I immediately wrote in a fit of rage following the Ravens' first game of the season, I called Brian Billick a "fucking idiot" and predicted the Ravens (who the previous season had gone 13-3 and were the #1 seed in the AFC) to go 9-7.

While my prediction turned out to be on the generous end, I have to commend myself for picking up on their ineptitude after the first game of the season! And it turns out calling Billick a "fucking idiot" was the smartest thing I've ever blogged here, since he was fired midway through his contract after the season. Go me!