Upon the suggestion of a reader (yes, you exist), the following is a piece I originally wrote for the
Indiana Daily Student's "Weekend" supplement. It was written in March of 2007, and originally intended to run in the April Fool's issue of the Weekend. It's a fake DVD review about two Iraq-war films, and I must say it is hilarious. However, the Weekend brain trust claimed it was "too close to the truth to run" (actual quote), "something about the tone didn't sit right" (another actual quote), and "running this review will get the paper's office wiretapped by the government" (may have not actually been said).
Nonetheless, here is the piece, in its entirety, unedited for you loyal reader(s).
IRAQ WAR FILMS ARE PROPA-GREAT!
“Flags of the Middle East”, “Letters from Camp X-Ray”
Directed by Ken Burns
Straight to DVD
By Mark Perlman-Price
Unable to garner the fanfare needed to release the films in theaters, the US Government funded war films “Flags of the Middle East” and “Letters from Camp X-Ray” have finally hit the shelves of the DVD department.
Originally meant to be a post-war retrospective, the lack of an “end” to the war has resulted in the films being officially marketed as an “in-war perspective”. No matter which way you market it, it’s clear that this is THE definitive source for a real look at the Iraq war.
“Flags” is the first of the series, and documents the many triumphs of the war thus far. The highlight of the film has to be the tearing down of Saddam Hussein’s statue, his trial and execution (cell phone video of corpse included) – but it’s the war’s subtleties that are most captivating. These include the on the ongoing search for WMDs, the warm reception that the US troops received upon arrival in each village, and the various charitable donations made to the community by Halliburton.
The second film of the series, “Letters from Camp X-Ray”, chronicles the tumultuous, riveting experiences and hardships endured by the US troops working at the terrorist internment camp in Guantanamo Bay. Stories featuring excerpts of actual letters from troops describe the intricacies of their torture and humiliation tactics, and the emotional toll that goes along with torturing and humiliating so many people.
The two-disc set is loaded with special features. Included are: the full, unedited version of President Bush’s ‘Mission Accomplished’ speech from the aircraft carrier in 2003, a month-by-month timeline of the times John Kerry supported the war or was against it, a list and map of the original ‘Coalition of the Willing’, and a ‘where are they now’ featurette on Donald Rumsfeld, Colin Powell, John Ashcroft, and others who have since left the administration. And on the inside cover you’ll notice there is not the usual scene selection list, but rather an actual military recruitment form that you can fill out and mail for no postage fee. Combined with the “approval rating” price of 34 dollars, this set is a great deal – with the possibility of being even cheaper.
There’s no doubt that both “Flags” and “Letters” fall into the category of must-see films. If you’re tired of the conservative sensationalism of Fox News and the liberal bias of every other media outlet, these two films will provide the history – and present – view of one of our countries most dominating performances. From reliving the memories of ‘shock and awe’ all the way to today’s ‘cut and run’, these two films will have you so captivated, you’d think the war was on American soil.
