Paahk the Flying Caahr in Haahvard Yaahrd

While most would expect Harvard University to be too snooty for shameless promotions, apparently they are not. According to this article, on July 20th, the day before the release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Harvard Square will rename itself "Hogwarts Sqaure".

Here's a stupid explanation why, from Denise Jillson executive director of Harvard Square business association:

"'Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows' and the hallowed halls of Harvard," she said, connecting the dots.

Details of the event include performances by the band "Harry & the Potters" (pictured below), and a scavenger hunt at the Harvard Museum of Natural History for owls, bats, red stones, and of course, Harvard's dignity.

And I had to add that transitively, if Harvard Sqaure is being renamed Hogwarts Square, then Harvard must be renamed Hogwarts as well. You just can't have one without the other. Wouldn't make sense. This would make the Red Line the Hogwarts Express - and, while I couldn't think of appropriate comparisons for each of the houses, Harvard Law School would definitely be Slytherin. Which would make Alan Dershowitz professor Snape.

Setting a new low of underachievment

Today of out the "WOW" file - anything that caused me to look like Tim Duncan after a foul call while reading it - has to do with the Yankees' record. I originally intended this post to rip the Yankees playoff hopes and criticize Joe Torre for using Roger Clemens in relief (I'll probably do at least one later in the post anyway).

The American League is really, really good. I came to this conclusion last week. Peter Gammons recently referred to the Detroit Tigers as the "best team in baseball", even though the Red Sox and Angels both have better records. Then there's Cleveland, who's only 2 games behind Detroit and are 5-2 against the Tigers thusfar. They've also played most of their games without the pitching of Cliff Lee and Jake Westbrook, who are just coming off the disabled list. Meanwhile Seattle, Oakland, and Minnesota are all above .500 and dangerous (I don't actually believe this to be true). Then there's Toronto, who have fought valiantly to a .500 record despite injuries to their entire 25 man roster, mascot, several fans, and hotel attendants. THEN there's the Yankees: 1 game under .500, 11.5 out of first place, and 6.5 out of the wild card.

This is where I was going to declare the Yankees doomed. But I took a look at their Expected Win-Loss, which is some fancy formula using run differentials and something about pythagoreus to calculate what a team's record should be. Their current record is 36-37. The Yankee's ExWL? 43-30.

43-30!!

With that record the Yankees would currently be 4.5 games behind the Red Sox and a half game ahead wild card leading Cleveland. Think of it this way: the Yankees are more games behind themselves (7) than they are in the wild card (6.5).

Now while these numbers are somewhat disturbing and actually shocking, ultimately they're meaningless. They just exemplify how bad/unlucky the Yankees have been so far (a 4-12 record in one run games doesn't help). You could blame this on players not producing, atrocious managing, poor hitting/pitching coaching, poor baserunning coaching, poor fielding, poor ownership, take your pick! It's a fun game.

And while the Yankees are really a much better team than they've been so far, they've dug their own grave. And if they want to catch any of the big 4 AL teams mentioned before, they're going to need to play to their expected record, and at this point that might need to be better than 43-30.

(I told you I'd get around to ripping the Yankees)

Shows that cannot possibly be real: Part 1 of an indefinitely numbered series - Cash Cab

This concept was originally meant to be one mega-post, but as I came up with more ideas, I thought it would fare better split into an indefinite amount of segments. If anyone was actually printing out posts and reading them on the toilet, I'd be so genuinely flattered that I'll personally put together a mega-post for you and print it out on toilet paper so you can read and wipe your ass with it.

ANYWAY, this series of posts (not necessarily consecutively) will examine TV shows that cannot possibly be real, or have glaring flaws in their realness. Today's show is Cash Cab.

If you haven't seen it, Cash Cab follows an "actual New York City cab" picking up "real passengers" going to "real places". During the ride, the driver asks them trivia questions. If they don't know they answer, they have two "shout-outs", one via cell phone and one to a "random" person on the street. At the end of the ride they get a big wad of cash and are released into the New York City streets.

Where to begin? First of all the cab really is painted exactly like a NYC cab and even has the number thing on top (# 1G12, and it's a minivan). It also wouldn't be a ridiculous promotion for the city, so I can see them allowing it. Not a huge flaw there.

Now there is the ride itself. Finding someone looking for a cab isn't a problem, but the flaws with the rides are four-fold:

1. Every ride on cash cab is perfectly timed. The driver always knows exactly when to change rounds or increase cash values, so people get relatively the same amount of questions. But how could this many random cab rides all be the exact same length with all the outside factors such as distance of trip, lights, traffic, etc.
2. Anyone who's been in a New York City cab knows that they drive - to put it lightly - "erratically". But Mr. Cash-Cab-Bald-Driver-Guy has no problem negotiating New York City traffic while simultaneously joking around and hosting a game show in his car, not to mention taking people to their "destinations".
3. Regarding the "shout outs", while a mobile shout out is plausible (no different than phoning a friend on "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire", the street shout outs are harder to believe. If I learned anything from "Borat" (surprisingly I learned more from that movie than a summer living in NYC), it's that people in New York City don't like to be approached my strangers. So to think that this cab just pulls over while some jackass passenger yells at someone on the sidewalk to help them with a trivia question without being shunned or held up at gunpoint is just not realistic.
4. The most ridiculous - and my favorite part - of Cash Cab is that with each question you answer incorrectly you get a strike, and three strikes gets you eliminated from the game. And not only do you not win money, but Mr. Cash-Cab-Bald-Driver-Guy pulls over and throws you out of the cab no matter where you are. Could you imagine this possibly happening in reality? Is it even legal? What if you're going from Manhattan to Yankee Stadium, lose the game, and get dumped in Harlem (or any neighborhood around the stadium). Or what if you actually have a legitimate place to be at a certain time and get left on the street because you don't know the atomic number of rubidium (37). What will you tell your angry boss/friends?

It is for those reasons (and more I probably forgot at this point, I've been working on this post for a few weeks now) that there is no way Cash Cab can possibly be real. Nonetheless, the next time I'm in New York City I'm gonna do my best to find that bastard and hail it down, because I'm broke.

Now they'll associate Israel with war, holy relics, and boobs

Courtesy of our friend David Urman is this article about Maxim magazine's new "Girls of the Israeli Defense Forces" issue. Obviously there is controversy that goes along with a spread like this, so I'll spare you my preaching (I like it) and give you the explanation from the msnbc.com article:

"... in a recent BBC poll taken in 27 countries, 56 percent of respondents considered Israel a 'negative influence' in the world, higher than both Iran and the United States. But Israel's PR problem is that Americans - particularly those aged 18 to 35 - either associate the country with war or holy relics, or don't think of it at all. 'We have to find the right hook' he says. 'And what's relevant to men under 35? Good-looking women.' "

In a way this makes sense, and in many ways it does not. I don't really know if Maxim's audience covers the 27 mystery countries in the BBC poll, I'm gonna guess it doesn't. So the 'promotion' might not have the desired effect Israel is hoping for. I also don't like the fact that when I turn 35, good-looking women will no longer be relevant to me.

Anyway, here's the pictures/article. No shiksas in this bunch!

Picture of the Day

Courtesy of deadspin.com

Yankees dubbed winners for defeating losers

In the midst of their winning streak, the hot baseball topic is "are the Yankees back"?

The Yanks have won 6 in a row and 9 of their last 11, bringing their record to one game below .500 and their AL East deficit to 9 1/2 games. Crack open the bubbly! By the end of the week the Yankees could be above .500 and possibly even less games out of first place! Lookout Red Sox!

Here's an in depth look at the streak (including the 2 losses):

• Yankees have averaged 7.64 runs scored and 4.73 allowed
• Yankees have averaged 11.91 hits for and 9.64 allowed
• Yankee starters have averaged 5.91 innings per game, with a 6.46 ERA
  
• Yankees have averaged using 4.36 pitchers per game

The hitting numbers are what we would expect from the Yankee lineup (and finally they're living up to expectations). But the pitching? Well - also what we've grown to expect from the Yankee staff, shitty. And consider their competition: Boston, Toronto, White Sox, and Pittsburgh. They won 3 of the games against Boston and Toronto, and 6 of 7 against the White Sox and Pittsburgh (the current win streak).

Here's a look at the White Sox and Pirates' offensive ranks (all of MLB): (but before that, here's a creepy picture of Mariano Rivera!)

White Sox:

• Last in Hits
• Last in Runs
• Last in Avg
• Last in OBP
• Last in SLG
• Last in OPS

Pirates:

• 21st in Hits
• 24th in Runs
• 27th in Avg
• 29th in OBP
• 27th in SLG
• 28th in OPS

So while the Yankees have admirably thrived against 2 of the worst hitting teams in baseball, and won 3 from better competition (following a 5 game losing streak), let's hold off until they have a winning record and are within a week's games of being in first place before we declare them being "back".

Most shocking story of the NBA playoffs:

Mike Brown used to be an assistant for Gregg Popovich.


Whhhhaaaaaaaaaa???????

The Legacy of Barbaro

It's been written countless times (and is generally understood by the masses at this point) that when a prominent pop culture figure dies, their legacy is often more powerful than that of the living (see Cobain, Hendrix, Lennon, Belushi, Tupac etc.). But apparently now it has happened with a horse.

Riding into work today I heard an ad for the new HBO documentary "Barbaro". The piece covers the events of his short life and features interviews with sports reporters and "friends" talking about the late horse.

It was then I realized the connection. Barbaro, like many of the aforementioned artists, died in his absolute PRIME (maybe even moreso than the others). After winning the Kentucky Derby in one of the most dominating performances, he was a heavy Preakness favorite before shattering his leg and being carted off in the equine ambulance, never to race again.

And thus his legend grew, to the point that many believe he would have been the first Triple Crown winner since Affirmed in 1978, and the most dominant horse since Secretariat. But these are the facts: Barbaro won only 1 Triple Crown race. Many horses - even in the past decade - have won 2, then fizzle at the Belmont. Horse racing is very difficult to predict, and while Barbaro may have seemed like he was strong enough to win the Triple Crown, history says he probably wouldn't have done it. And what would he be now, if he had lived and failed? Just another name to go along with War Emblem, Funny Cide, Smarty Jones, Charismatic, Real Quiet, and (sadly) Fusaichi Pegasus (who's derby winning time was actually faster than Barbaro's).

So instead of fading away like his predecessors, Barbaro burned out. His leg shattered and he died, leaving his potential with a giant question mark, and a creepy cult following of people who worship him as the greatest horse of all time, since he forever "could have been".

But the legacy of Barbaro has a physical aspect that Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix, Tupac, and the others never achieved: he lives on as a household product (although Biggie may have been made into hot dog meat).

So the next time you open up that bottle of glue, and - for some unexplained reason - it seems extra adherent, think of Barbaro. Because your shattered china could be being held together by what could have been the greatest horse ever.

Why the NHL Sucks

Reason no. 2365428736:

It makes no sense.

Take, for example, tonight's game whatever (4 I think) in the Stanley Cup Finals. Anaheim was without Chris Pronger, who had been suspended. Since I recognize his name, I'll assume he is a good player.

Of course, Anaheim wins the game.

How does this make sense?

Red Sox Recap

Before you start to panic about a Red Sox losing streak, just remember they were about 10 combined feet of David Ortiz power on two swings from winning both games.

You can put this loss on me...

Tonight's game was my fault. I was writing my last post, sitting on the floor in front of my laptop, making sure to keep my hands, feet, and posture steady while the Red Sox made a ridiculous 9th inning comeback then kept the A's from winning in 2 even ridiculouser situations.

Plagued with the pain of sitting uncomfortably for so long, I had to lie down. The instant I did this, Nick Swisher was batting, and I thought - "I changed my position, here comes a walkoff." Well, one batter later, Chavez ends the game with a home run. Sorry everybody.

But this was actually my second psychic premonition of the game, the first was the be the original point of this post when I was sure the A's would not come back.

While I'm a supporter of the "Moneyball" philosophy to baseball, it has a serious flaw - clutch hitting. In the bottom of the 9th of tonight's game, with the bases loaded, nobody out, and facing the great JC Romero, Chavez was at the plate. I had the thought "Chavez is the exact kind of guy to ground into a double play here." Well, I was wrong. Chavez struck out. Bobby Crosby is the kind of guy to ground into a double play, as he promptly did to end the inning.

This harkens back to various playoff series' where the A's have failed to advance. Prior to last season, they had an abysmal record in series-clinching games (0-11 i think). Something's missing in the "Moneyball" strategy.

Effects of "Moneyball"

So I'm watching the Red Sox-A's game earlier tonight, and randomly my dad says "they look like an all white team." After a second of confusion, I realized he was right on many levels.

First is the weird tradition of A's players wearing white shoes. One of the weirdest dress requirements (I assume) in baseball. Combined with their home whites, they obviously appear to be "very white" on the field.

Second is the fact that the longer I thought about it, the A's really do have a lot of white players. In fact, here are the only black/foreign players on the A's:

Kiko Calero, Santiago Casilla, Esteban Loaiza, Marco Scutaro, Milton Bradley, and Shannon Stewart.

That's 6 non-white players on the 25 man roster (and since Loaiza is on the DL, only 5 are currently active). So we'll call that 20%. Even this guy is an American-born citizen!

Now obviously I don't know which players have which amount of what ethnicities in them - so these 5 are the only players born outside of the USA. So I should probably say the A's are 20% foreign, not "non-white". But to make my point easier, let's just go ahead and say the A's are 80% white.

So it turns out my dad was right. What made this such a glaring point at the time (in addition to the white uniforms), was that the A's were in the field at the time, and of the 6 players listed, 3 are pitchers, and Milton Bradley wasn't playing. So with the exception of Marco Scutaro and Shannon Stewart, the A's really were all white.

Now, I'm not accusing the A's of being a racist organization - they probably have the most clear set of guidelines out of any Major League team as to exactly what they look for in players (see "Moneyball"). But this raises a lot of interesting questions. Are young black players not as patient at the plate as white guys? (Gary Sheffield would probably agree). The A's are very good at finding undervalued talent, so are more white players undervalued? Whatever it is, it seems the "Moneyball" approach seems to attract more white guys than a Republican debate. Funny, considering the A's logo is an elephant.

Doc Rivers Speaks

The day after the Celtics' lottery debacle, I was listening to the radio and heard a Doc Rivers soundbyte on the Celtics upcoming season. I don't have it in print - so it's not exact - but it went something along the lines of this:

(same crap about nucleus of young players and staying healthy) ... "and I really think that if we can put it together we can be a pleasant surprise this season."

There you have it folks! If players stay healthy, play more maturely, and get some breaks to fall their way, they could reach their ceiling of pleasant surprise.

Print it on the cover of the media guide: The 07-08 Celtics! We COULD BE a pleasant surprise!